A wise man once said...

Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater... If you give a woman sperm, she will give you a baby. If you give her a house, she will give you a home. If you give her groceries, she will give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she will give you her heart. Women are wonderful they multiply and enlarge what is given to them .... so if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit!

Quote supplied by my friend Stacey Chantilly

Slave Sarah Gets Punished

As many of you will know, I am a business partner of Mistress Leah in Second Life but I am also her slave. Together we are building a very successful club in Second Life called the BDSM Theatre Club which aims to educate the SL residents about the delights of BDSM through plays staged by avatars.

We have also started a Slave 'adoption' agency where Masters, Mistresses and Slaves can find their perfect match.

In Second Life, when you own some land you can determine the rights of users of that land including whether they are allowed to leave objects lying around. While doing some maintenance work yesterday, I spotted what I thought was a rogue object - these take up resources and there is an option to automatically return objects that shouldn't be there.

I engaged that option and not only did the rogue object vanish, but so did half the club! Walls, vendors, rugs, dance pads - all manner of things. Needless to say that Mistress Leah was not pleased and as well as being tasked with repairing the damage, making some signs and dancing naked for a week on the poles, I was also given a 1000 word essay to write on why I thought I was getting off lightly. I was told it must be exactly 1000 words, not a word more or less.

For your education and entertainment, I copy the essay below which I handed in within the allotted time. I have not heard yet whether the essay has been accepted as satisfactory. Here is my essay:


"Why I think I am getting off lightly"

The definition of ‘getting off lightly’ from dictionary.com is ‘to escape or be allowed to go without severe punishment’. As the question in the title assumes that the punishment was light, I am grateful to Mistress Leah for handing out what she considers to be a light punishment.

If a person was not confident with writing a long essay that had to be exactly 1000 words and with correct grammar and punctuation, and I assume correct spelling as well, then it would indeed be quite a heavy punishment.

Looking at the question again, it does not actually mention the word punishment and this has caused me to consider other interpretations.

Recently, I acquired from a freebie store in Second Life, an object called a Flight Band. This Flight Band enables me to fly much higher than the normal 200 metres; in fact I have flown up to 700 metres.

When I press the Page Up key or the Fly button, I find that I get off very lightly from the ground. I then find that even without using any keys I continue to float upwards to the sky.

This is sometimes a problem because I end up going much higher than I want to go. So then I have to keep pressing the Page Down key to get back down to where I want to be. If I take the flight band off, I will crash to the ground, so I have to be nimble with the keyboard.

However it is a useful item to have when one wants to go exploring as there are many interesting structures that are situated very high up.

In looking for inspiration from other writers who have written about getting off lightly, my attention was drawn to two books offered for sale on Amazon.com that promise to be a light read.

The titles are "Getting Off: Pornography and the End of Masculinity" by Robert Jensen and "Getting Off: A Woman's Guide to Masturbation" by Jamye Waxman.

As I write this essay, I am now thinking very differently about ‘getting off lightly’ and I am reminded of some very ‘interesting’ things that have happened to me in Second Life. I am sure my Mistress, and Sisters who Mistress may permit to read this essay, would be very interested as well to learn about these events in my SL life and might even spend some time thinking about when they get off lightly as well. However, this essay was meant to be a punishment and therefore I will deny myself the pleasure of recounting these events.

Yet another way to think about the title is to consider why I did actually get off lightly with punishment for the problem that I caused when I set the land to auto-return the objects left by who I thought were unauthorised people.

I think it was because it was a genuine mistake. I did not know that the strange looking tip jar that took up 25 of our valuable prims was permitted to be there.

I was concerned that people were placing objects in our club that should not have been there and only today I had to deal with a Chat Spy object that was left on another land that I had an interest in.

When I set the land to auto-return after one minute, the first I became aware that there was a problem was when I saw nine objects of my own get returned to my inventory. I realised that I must have placed them when I had the wrong group tag on and went about placing these things back in my room.

I then noticed a few walls from the club had disappeared and realised that Mistress Leah must have made the same error as me in placing objects down without the correct tag.

As I walked around the club, I saw the extent of the devastation I had caused. Not only were some walls missing but so were many of the freebie vendors and adboards. Strangely, the pony park teleporter vanished but not the one for the sex room. Also, the dance camping pads disappeared as did all of Sister Charli’s objects – I am so sorry sis.

Second Life does something odd when it returns a lot of products to your inventory. It picks out a random object name and then puts all the returned objects under that name. When you think you are just rezzing one object, suddenly lots of objects appear in the relative position that they were in originally and if you are not standing in exactly the same position, they end up all over the place.

Second Life calls this process ‘Coalescing’ and they introduced this process to save the data load on their servers because everybody was returning lots of inventory to others. It is well documented in the Second Life Wiki pages.

There has been quite a lot of discussion about it in the forums and an Amanda Ascot suggested ‘either disable coalescing of objects on a “return” altogether, or make it possible to “disaggregate” a coalesced object while it’s still in inventory’. This would seem to be a very good idea and would have saved us a lot of trouble when trying to put things back properly in the club.

I hope this essay about getting off lightly has been both entertaining and informative. It has been informative about coalescing and about what happens when we place objects down when we are wearing the wrong tag even though we are permitted through our group membership to place objects in the first place. I have also learnt not to make assumptions and to wait for Mistress to inform me of the situation before jumping the gun.

I hope it has been entertaining by the different ways one can look a question and find different answers to suggest.

Thank you Mistress for this punishment and the opportunity to explore this subject.

So there you have it, that is one part of my punishment completed - if you want to see me dance naked on the poles, then you will need to join Second Life.

Bottle of wine hits the spot?

A friend came round and as is the custom, brought a bottle of wine. There's always a hidden agenda with this person so I did some research.

It was a Riesling Gräfenberg 2001 which comes from the Rheingau region in Germany, from a vineyard site that's three kilometers from the Rhine river.

The wine has a very good pedigree. At a Rheingau wine auction, a bottle of 1998 Grafenberg Riesling, sold for DM 3,132 (about £1200), the highest price among wines in its class.

So probably not your average bottle of plonk.








The small town of Gräfenberg in Bavaria belonged in the 14th century to the Kings of Bohemia.






Its main claim to fame is the birth place of Hydrotherapy which dates from about 1829 when Vincent Priessnitz , a farmer of Gräfenberg started selling his water 'cures' and went on to establish a world-famous spa.

















This link with water seems to be celebrated in the 1987 film, 'Grafenberg Girls Go Fishing' which features "an arousing bubble bath sequence" and much of the action takes place in a fishing boat.








Keeping a close eye on things is the Gräfenberg Observatory which is a very famous earthquake monitoring station.




Could the earthquake station have been named after Dr Ernst Gräfenberg who certainly knew something about making the earth move.



He was arrested in Germany in 1937 for trying to smuggle a valuable stamp out of the country. On his release he went to the US where he opened a sex clinic in New York. He was commemorated for his work on female erotic zones by later sexologists naming this the Gräfenberg spot, more commonly known as the g-spot.






So now we know about the message in the bottle.

Did the wine hit the spot? Not telling - hehe.

Sexiest Christmas Presents

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A Very Silent Night

Almost every place you go to in Second Life is playing Christmas tunes, streamed in from the various internet radio stations. I was asked by an SL Friendship Club member not to play Christmas carols in the Clubhouse and to start a poll for the most hated Christmas tune - looked like Alvin and the Chipmunks could win.

However, I have just found the perfect Christmas song. It is already number 1 in the New Zealand charts and it is a recording of Silent Night. The only difference is that it has been recorded at such a high frequency that only dogs can hear it!

It has been designed especially to get tails wagging and puppies dancing. Apparently the dogs are going wild for it and there is even a YouTube video you can play where you can watch together but only they can hear it.



For the full story visit the spca website.

My favourite Silent Night film is something else entirely and gives a new meaning to Santa Claus cumming to town. Its an adult full feature girls only film featuring some of the top stars in this genre.

Here are the screen shots of the video:



Unfortunately this film is not longer available so if anyone has a second hand copy for sale, let us know.

All I want for Christmas is 'R'

On this Christmas Day, the letter 'R' was constantly in my mind - why?.


Here are some definitions of 'R' from dictionary.com to give you a clue.







1. Chemistry. radical.

You are definitely free and radical.









2. Mathematics. ratio.

A relationship between two quantities - do we have an immeasurable relationship or what!






3. Clothing. regular: a suit or coat size.

We regularly rip each others clothes off










4. Electricity. resistance.

I just can't resist you






5. Cinema. restricted rating

Maybe even a X classification




6. Theater. stage right.

What a show we put on, entering right or left











7. Physics. roentgen.

A new form of radiation. You make me glow all over.









8. Chess. rook.

My chess champion knows all the moves





















But mainly for me on this Christmas Day I'm thinking of my 'R' far away on a hot Spanish beach.

A USB Christmas

After searching online for the perfect gift for computer game addict, I came across this - the USB Eye Warmer.

Here is the description: Eyes get fatigued from staring at the computer screen all the day? Just put up the USB Eye Warmer, it can warm up your eyes and help you to get rid of tiredness. It not only relaxes your eyes but also comforts your entire body. It is lightweight and portable that you can carry with you anywhere. Users can control temperature at hand by the power on/off switch.

Here are a few more. Click the links to find out more.

USB Pole Dancer
The USB Pole Dancer is the optimal gift for the person who always wanted to have their own private dancer but never had the means.

There is even a video to watch of it in action.



USB Finger Dance Mat
Don’t work – dance! Bring the dance floor to your office desktop with this highly entertaining interactive USB Finger Dance Mat!








USB Whack it!
Bring classic arcade gaming to your desktop with the USB whack it.


USB Hamster

This is no ordinary hamster in a cage, it’s USB powered and runs as fast as you type.














USB Heating Slippers Do your feet ever get cold when sat at your PC? Don't worry! A pair of USB Heating Slippers can help to keep your feet toasty while you are working near the computer in a cold environment.






USB Heating Gloves

Each glove has a warming pad inside and once you plug it into a USB port, they gently warm your hands.





USB Nail Care System

The “USB Nail Care System” has been developed to help you do the nail care by yourself, easily and simply, anywhere at home or office.

Orgasmaboob

Not sure what this does. Website just describes it as a Sex Sound Box with USB




USB SEX TOYS

Apparently making love with your distant loved ones is now a reality!

“The Virtual Sex Machine is the world’s first interactive real time sex system that gives you the virtual reality experience of having a sexual liaison not only with an adult video star, but also with your distant loved ones!”

I will leave it to you to read the website for more details on how to use this device.

The USB Cybersex Device sounds even more interactive where according to instructions "a male partner can control the vibrator of a woman whereas the female partner in turn is able to manipulate the vagina used by a man."

And finally this device from www.7cv.com where the instructions are all in Chinese.

The Lawnmower Man / Tattoos

When I first got involved with Second Life, I was reminded of the 1992 film, "The Lawnmower Man". This was a story about a scientist who was experimenting with drugs and virtual reality. The scientist persuaded this simple guy that was mowing his lawn to take part in these experiments. As a result, the guy got more powerful and eventually took over the project and ended up living inside the virtual reality.


A memorable aspect of the film were the incredible cybersex scenes.


If you get a chance, see it - you can watch a trailer for it on http://www.videodetective.com/titledetails.aspx?publishedid=2853




When looking for images from the film, I found this delightful tattoo of a lawnmower man.


And a joke to go with this:

A nurse was on duty in the emergency department, when a young woman was brought in. It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it was a tattoo reading: 'keep off the grass.' After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said: "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

Anyway, this got me wondering who it is that has tattoos or bod-mod as it is now called. A poll conducted online in July 2003 estimated that 16% of all adults in the United States have at least one tattoo. The highest incidence of tattoos was found among the gay, lesbian and bisexual population (31%).

And why? "The majority said they were not getting tattoos and pierces from peer pressure... they were choosing it as a way to reflect their identity." The tattoo "reflects an aspect of who I am, represents my inner personality, my interests, life goals, life philosophy."

About 50% of people who have tattoos later regret it but having them removed can be painful. Not surprising the places some people have them.

Here is a collection of some of the more outrageous pictures I found.

Cape of good hope?

How to undo a bra with one hand

My father loves a good read and couldn't resist opening a Christmas present early as he could feel it was a book. He grunted when he saw the title "Man Skills, a training manual for men" and left it on the sideboard.

I couldn't help having a look and roared with laughter at some of the 'How to' chapters, in particular, "How to undo a bra with one hand" in 3 steps together with diagrams.

This then became my subject of research for today. Putting the search term 'how to undo bra' into Google indicated there were almost 350,000 entries.

The first interesting item I came across was from the British Medical Journal which reported stuffily "In a brave effort to reduce finger injuries, one orthopaedic surgeon says that men should spend more time learning how to undo bra straps safely. After repairing a fractured left middle finger and ruptured radial collateral ligament sustained by complex bra ­removing activity (and since as many as 40% of young men have such problems) the surgeon says that patient education on the mechanism of external female mammary support could prevent such injuries in the future (British Journal of Plastic Surgery 2002;55:179­80)"


There are many training films around. This one from YouTube provides a very succinct demonstration even with slow motion play back.

There is quite a hilarious video on the apt-named videojug.com.

There are even bra undoing contests with this guy on guzer.com taking the biscuit - 6 girls bras in 6 seconds flat!



A more detailed explanation is offered by wikihow.com offering an 8 step guide together with a list of 'dos' and 'donts', 'warnings' and some 'hot tips'.

The intricacies of the hook and eye are explained in fine detail.










For those that need demonstrations but don't have a live model to practice with, there are even bre-undoing machines that can be used for educational purposes.

See the Bra Trainer in action on designboom.com.




On Yahoo Answers the question was posed 'Girls, can your boyfriend, husband or partner undo your bra with one hand whilst you are kissing?' which attracted a handful of answers. The last word goes to the girl who answered "My husband can't but my boyfriend can" - rofl.